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clar 23 nj/ca

nikkiology:

I look down at my palm and think that’s where your fingers will always belong.

I’d drive to you if you asked me to

I never blog anymore. To be fair, I’ll share a snippet of a narrative I wrote for class

My mind keeps altering and I am beginning to feel differently about myself. Prior to this transition, I perceived myself as a bad person who meant well—one who made poor judgments but was pure in heart and thought. Compared to before, I now feel like a saint. It might be an extreme comparison to others, but to me it’s the only means of describing it. My mentality then was vulgar—clouded with hatred, negativity, and bitterness. I was selfish and showed no interest in others. I was a recluse and in thought I lived in my very own solitary confinement.

Infidelity is something I have partaken in that I am not quite proud of. It is no exaggeration when I state I have never been faithful. In fact, it is something I am truly ashamed of admitting. Sadly, I cheated on every person I was romantically involved with. I felt guilty but in a sense it was as if that guilt was never present. It was not the lust that took captive of me or the means of wanting to hurt another person—it was the thrill that enticed me. It was the excitement—the feeling of acting upon temptations one should never fall victim to.

Preoccupied with life outside my thoughts and emotions

Phantogram | Mouthful of Diamonds

(Source: aesopic)

Sadness and loneliness creatively inspire me. I haven’t been inspired lately

I live an incredibly quiet life

It’s a curse to be deeply enthralled by a lover. At any given time they can leave and break you. Leave you shattered with millions of pieces you wouldn’t even begin to know how to fix it. And with them they take your entire being. Everything you’ve ever taught them or showed them, everything they’ve ever made you feel—gone, into thin air like nothing ever happened

I love someone and it feels good. It has never felt as good as this with anyone before. I feel so privileged being with you. Though we’ve gotten fairly comfortable with each other, I still find myself in disbelief in how lucky I am to be with someone just as lovely as you. If you ask me, I believe I have all the wealth in the world—even more so when I have you in my arms.

journal entry 2/19